The pressure of shopping.

From left to right you are constantly reminded that you need to buy new virtual items, from useless mesh things to expensive clothing that only look freaking cool and awesome on the posters and in reality you are saying “What the fuck!!”. Oh yes I have said that a few times also after I tried the demo, because the demo was not 100% like the product I paid for. I have so many times been standing there in the middle of the room wondering if the designer have to many events to keep track off that they simply does not give a fuck about their product quality, sad that many well-known designers barely have time to review their product all they do is splash on a texture than off you go.

At least this is the feeling I am stuck with this summer alone I have sent notecards to a few designers and complain about their “mesh leaking clothing”, and sadly you do not get a replacement or a refund. I get from no answer at all to oh..thanks we will look into it. That does not help me at all, how am I going to be happy about the 300L dress I bough and all you say is sorry.

It’s about time there come a user – consumer agency that actual take care of these things, I fed up with these designers that does not care or give a fuck about anything as long as the Lindens are rolling in on their account(s). I should have rights as they have when people copybot their shit, where are my rights when thief designers does not stand by their product(s).

There are still old second lifers that pretend they does not know when it comes to how consumer rights works, and how to run a business. I am not going to go into the brands this day but I have encountered so many old and new brands where they have no clue about customer service or they simply do not care. But when you boil it all down you need to shake some Linden ears to, they should have set some ground rules on how to run a business but we all know all they care about is our money in any currency.


Back to the normal.

Not saying I am 100% back to the normal me but slowly I am getting there, I have taken time off from the virtual world and been occupied with other games and things in real life thinking less about my misery.

If there is a manual on how long you are supposed to be a little down I would love to see it, but I think I am doing kinda ok taking small steps avoiding anything that has to do with romance. I think I am not ready for that in a long time, better stay focused and do the things I enjoy the most like taking photos of my own body.. lol…

That’s about it not much more to say other than it has been some long days with a lot of things running around in my head, at least I tried and I know I am far from perfect and yes I done some mistakes but I am after all human.


The news you don’t want to receive.

Today when I woke up one of the first things I did was to turn on my computer, I was excited to see what my ex had sent me as a reply. I had high hopes that there was a glimmer of hope and that maybe, just maybe she still was thinking of me. I got a cup of coffee from the kitchen and sat down I still had a smile on my face, was so excited when I log on to my Facebook account and as I clicked the message from her I think I kinda knew it was not good news but I held on to the though of a maybe.

Then I scrolled up the message and even if I had seen words stating that she no longer though about me, I decided I had to read the whole message I could have got it wrong. I sat there with a fresh cup of coffee and read the words from my ex, she tell me she no longer think of me and that I am out of the picture. It was a hit to the face I could feel my face muscles want to make me cry as I was very sad, but I kept my cool until I had written a reply to her pretending I was cool with it while i was not. But I could not beg for her and she said in the message she had moved on, her new life in real was filled with work and parties just as she wanted to live her life.

I deleted the fb account cause the only reason I kept that was to be able to communicate with her, everyone else I ever knew they did not matter to me I only wanted her. And now I was alone so alone I could not deal with knowing I could message her and she would not want to talk or see me in any form. After I had deactivated the account I could not stop the tears from coming out of control they kept poring down my face, they still do cause she ment the world to me and now all that was gone forever.

My friends I did not dare tell any of them why I had done what I did today, why I no longer was on my Facebook so I made up a harmless excuse that they accepted. So now I have to accept that she have moved on and it is about time I do the same, where ever I go in this virtual world I am reminded about her even when I go hair shopping I see the hair color she loved so much I think about her. I feel I am being punished for the dumb things I did that day one year ago when I took her off as my partner, but back then I did not know better. I was going thru a very hard time in my real life and felt I held her back, I felt I did not deserve her and I think she tried to get me back I am not sure but I know I made her unhappy without knowing it. When I think back on those things that breaks my heart that I did that to her, the one that ment so much to me and now I have made my bed and have to lay in it all by myself.

It will take me a very long time to recover that I am sure of, cause when you have tried for more than 6 months to get the love of your life back and did not succeed then you are at rock bottom. I know this much that if I could go back in time I would have done it all again, everything but taking her off as a partner. But life goes on and now I need to try to recover in any way I can, it may take months or even longer I have no idea but I can’t give up.

Panties or not under your dress?

Snapshot_006Shopping for a nice dress these days can make anyone looking like a slut if you forget to put your panties on, I have tried many times to put my mesh cotton panties on under a new dress and failed. It appear that the creators of these nice outfits does not make panties, are we all doomed to walk around with the pussy out or your girl cock dangling down between your legs.

Are we letting ourself become something we are not, most of the time I can alpha out but when you have a sexy short dress where the alpha do more harm that good then you in trouble. You have this huge dilemma and all these questions race thru your head making you wonder if anyone care if you have no panties on, and does it matter if some noob or guy see your private part?

I should hope it does not care but I know there are plenty of those out there in the virtual world that treat their SL life as it was their RL, that is their thing I guess if you can’t disconnect your real life and have a fabulous virtual life where you leave the real concerns outside the internet. I would not care of someone got a kick of looking up my skirt or dress and see what I have under it, it that is their thing then they should be allowed to be freaks.

Last of all I wont mention the dress on blog but I am sure those of you who drop a substantial amount of Lindens on virtual clothes every week know where I got this one, a creator I have not got a whole lot from since I have not been entirely happy with things I paid for in the past and the ceremony to complain about the product I gave up cause she never got back to me. But this I got last night cause it looked so nice, and again I failed to try a demo.


Sponsored bloggers, real or fake?

A weird title for sure but I once asked a blogger that I know about the review she made for the top fashion brands she blog for in SL, if she was honest in what she wrote or if she was blowing smoke up our asses. She told me she could not be honest cause then the designer / creator would not want her as a blogger, I was not shocked to hear it cause I had a feeling many of the bloggers who have a sponsor lie no matter how shitty the product they try to promote is cause that is how it goes in blogger land SL.

I would love to see and read an honest blog where there are people with balls that dare write what they think of the product they are blogging about, that would be most fair to the consumer that is spending their hard-earned Lindens because of a dishonest blog post made by someone who love to kiss ass for free items.

My personal conclusion would be that a blogger that is sponsored and never have anything bad to say about the product(s) they promote are a fake blogger, not a truth teller but a person that would kiss ass to get anything for free. What a bad thing to have on your resume that you love to kiss ass for free warez, it sounds dumb and yes I can’t stop laughing.

I doubt any designer or creator would dare have a blogger blog about their product and be honest about it, I would love to read a blog where the designer dare put their product to the test let someone who are not afraid of the ban-hammer decide what they like or not. I have stopped to read these fashion blogs cause they all try to over due each other telling how fantastic this product is, when it clearly is crap.



When your excuses goes out of style.

After a long time in second life you learn to pick up on things that are not 100% like when you meet a person that constant have an excuse for not voice with you, I mean why not be honest if you are dating someone you like and want more than a sl fling. It is essential that you show yourself or voice, there are a lot of predators out there standing in line to use who ever come along. I seen a lot of them and you might have been close to become a victim yourself cause they are that good to blend in next to you, that it make it hard to pick them out. For as long as I can remember men have played women in SL, nothing wrong with that at all but if you get involved with someone who are a real women and did that without telling them that you are not a real woman that is cruel. At least if they look for a real life partner that many these days do, but if it is a sl thing then play the fantasy but do it good.

Back to what I wanted to talk about was all those that keep on with the lame excuses, like I met someone long ago she said she liked me and wanted to have more than a friendship I told her we should talk on voice so we could get to know each other faster that’s when the problems started.. First off they have no microphone or it is broken and they have still not bought a new one, does not mean its a man on other end yet some women special Europeans “can’t speak english / refuse..”.  You might accept that they can’t talk right now so you wait a few weeks and it comes up again and you get served more excuses like “I have not spoken English in years”, well it’s about time you start then no need to be afraid to voice.

So many women I have met in past they serve you with so many excuses that they could get away with 5 years ago, but today and no way if that will happen. I even offered to buy a headset to one of my friends but all of sudden that person had to leave SL, I guess to go play another of her alt’s. At least I have the ball’s to tell people I meet in this world who I am in RL if that come to the table or if it is a need to know, if the other person really like you they take you as you are in the virtual world that is my experience. To run around and tell old outdated excuses only make you look like a complete idiot and by doing that people will assume that you are a guy pretending to be a woman, does not matter how good you look cause anyone with a brain can make an avatar look nice.

It prob will come like a shock for some of you but women special those younger than 40 are more liberal than those over 40, they are not expecting to find a man like figure in SL they take you as you are if you are honest and don’t act like a complete jerk. I once had a girlfriend that took me just as I was I only wish I had her still, but I guess it was part of my learning process to lose her to maybe gain some thing else that I have not found yet.

Last words for those it apply to, never to late to start be “cool”.

Update V0.87b

I am at this point now in my new second life as I have gone from mesh body and  Catwa to the bright side of SL, a new shape more curves than I ever had and a bento head from same as the old. I know this is a lot of work the tweaking can make a person go crazy if you are a perfectionist, I cheated this time and bough a premade shape that I can play around with. Took me most of saturday and sunday to get as much done so I could dare be around other people without look like an alpha project, and now I look more like a beta + / almost done project.

Initial this was not part of my plan to look like this I had plans to look like I always have, with help of a friend I got a skin and a shape that gave me boobies and a bigger butt. Went from pale to tan I have been running away from this look for years, and it was not bad at all now I can blend in with a random curvy bimbo if i

No pictures as of now you need to draw a mental picture of how I might look like, I would think a curvy body, booty and a pair of bigger boobies will get you starting to make your mental image nice or give you nightmares…

Ps: Feel free to jerk off to the mental images…. he-he…

Lonely on the Grid.

With close friends to hangout with I had no idea I would feel so lonely that I do these days, I more or less have been that for a year now. Trying hard to find the meaning in this world, but what ever I set myself out to do I can’t take my mind of someone who I used have close. I might sound like a complete stalker but I am not, I guess I am one of those hopeless romantic people who think everything can be fixed if you really want it to be.

I can only put the blame on myself this time as I have made some very stupid judgements, I was weak and did not understand the important of what I had and now I am paying the ultimate price called loneliness. There is nothing more to do I managed to chase this someone so far away. I have tried for a long time to get out of this funk but no matter where I go or what I see it all reminds me of her, even in my real life I can see things and I instant think of her in some way. I would hate to have to leave the virtual life I have to get over her but I fear this is the only way for me to get on with a life, or at least try make a life in the real.

One day when I was cleaning my Skype downloads I came over a photo of her, the brown hair in her face and the sweet eyes smiling at me. I had deleted in past things she sent me but this must be hiding somewhere and now it is the only thing I have left of her. I always have the memories of her and those I keep to myself.

I have been all over the grid trying to meet new people and make new friends, but when I see girls that look similar to her I just want to fall to the ground. How could I ever let this happen to end up in this way where I see nothing good in the horizon, it is vacation time very soon I have saved up money for almost 1 year to go very far away. There are so many places I never been and things I never seen, maybe it would take things off my chest to experience new things and stay away from virtual me.

Not so many days since she told me to leave her alone, not that I had done anything to her other than try in an idiotic way to get her back. I do understand that she have moved on and I have to make things work on my own, I just wish things where less complicated like it was when you where younger. Now that I am “old enough” I feel a big loneliness in my heart knowing I never will hear her voice again, and a tear in my eye when I do realize she is gone.


The Fall of the Mainland.

I always been a big fan of mainland even that it has a bad reputation with a wide range of crazy build metodes and objects scattered in the air on random. Never the less it has had a charm to it at least it did until the land sharks start to buy up every inch of the grid and rent out at high cost and some times they try to sell it at insane profit but most of the times they let it go back to Linden Labs.

To me that is a waste of time, money, energy but I guess it is easier to give back to the “man”, than sell cheap to the little man on the map. I have myself bough and sold mainland and have had a lot of luck, a few times I have got land right off LL that is very rare today. I would guess / assume some of these big land owners have a hand in a Lindens pocket since they magical seem to be there at the right times, that would be the only reason to how they get all these full sims nobody have seen up for grabs and by magic it belong to them.

It would be speculation and I am sure there are many others on the grid thinking same as me, most people are for sale for cents and worse. So the only way I have been able to find cheap land is to fly over the mainland sim by sim, hour by hour. If i actual was paid for all the time I had spent looking for land I would be smiling all the way to the bank, but the glamour for us mortal avatars is not as good as it might look like. I would guess most of the hobby land owners like myself have spent a lot of time find these gems, and not like some I suspect have it handed to them.

I have been monitoring the adult mainland in special for a long time and it appear to me most of the same parcels are for sale for months and even years, I might not be a professor in math but you would have to charge a substantial amount of real money to just get even on the rent the land owner(s) pay to LL to own mainland. And frankly how things are sold as of today it is for pennies and donuts.

I think it’s no wonder many of the land speculate go under with the prices they operate with, so to see that 60% of the adult land based on parcels pr sim is more or less for rent or sale I do not understand how they can keep it going. Why not drop prices so people can afford to buy it, nobody with a brain will pay the insane prices as today. I cannot imagine there is much to earn sitting on a load of unsold parcel just because one time a man or woman was able to sell their 512 for 25 times it real value. Those times are long time I once did sell a 512 sq m for 17500 and cost price was 512, that was a good day but I had it for about 4 months before selling it. I think the new owners where able to earn a little less when she sold it and then price went even lower for the 3rd owner and now there is nothing for sale there.

The day Sansar is online and operating I assume that’s the day a lot of mainland land owners will get to meet their maker so to speak, to bad it is not regulated in a different way like the premium land that LL gives to those who subscribe. I am a happy camper knowing I have no ties to mainland for now, vacation is around the corner and when I am back I am sure a lot of the properties have shifted owner or been taken by LL cause they set sell price insane high and rather lose money than lose face by selling at a lower price. The never-ending circle of being a land owner on mainland, finishing off with a picture taken off the adult part of mainland and part of Horizon that sadly have become another shitty place thanks to all who speculate that imagine the consumer actual will pay fantasy price for a virtual property.


Hair Fair Jungle.

I took the time to go and look at the hair fair and once I got there I was instant confused, I found it to be very much hard to navigate around could be a few teleport boards and they should have put things of certain categories stuff closer to each other. I am sure there are spots I never got around to see, was too much back and forth and that made me give up.

Also other friends I ask about the fair say they are somewhat disappointed over the hair, they where more concerned that the creators had not overdone themself in the creation phase. I liked most of the hair samples I have tested today and also the free gifts was cool, but it makes me sad when a creator charge 1$L for a gift that is greedy and I walk straight past their vendors not even a peak.

There you have it I did not buy any thing at the fair cause for one I was broke, and the I got some nice gifts I can use. It is a shame that every thing in this world cost a fortune, 300 a week from LL and what do you get for that not much would be the correct answer.