The pressure of shopping.

From left to right you are constantly reminded that you need to buy new virtual items, from useless mesh things to expensive clothing that only look freaking cool and awesome on the posters and in reality you are saying “What the fuck!!”. Oh yes I have said that a few times also after I tried the demo, because the demo was not 100% like the product I paid for. I have so many times been standing there in the middle of the room wondering if the designer have to many events to keep track off that they simply does not give a fuck about their product quality, sad that many well-known designers barely have time to review their product all they do is splash on a texture than off you go.

At least this is the feeling I am stuck with this summer alone I have sent notecards to a few designers and complain about their “mesh leaking clothing”, and sadly you do not get a replacement or a refund. I get from no answer at all to oh..thanks we will look into it. That does not help me at all, how am I going to be happy about the 300L dress I bough and all you say is sorry.

It’s about time there come a user – consumer agency that actual take care of these things, I fed up with these designers that does not care or give a fuck about anything as long as the Lindens are rolling in on their account(s). I should have rights as they have when people copybot their shit, where are my rights when thief designers does not stand by their product(s).

There are still old second lifers that pretend they does not know when it comes to how consumer rights works, and how to run a business. I am not going to go into the brands this day but I have encountered so many old and new brands where they have no clue about customer service or they simply do not care. But when you boil it all down you need to shake some Linden ears to, they should have set some ground rules on how to run a business but we all know all they care about is our money in any currency.


Back to the normal.

Not saying I am 100% back to the normal me but slowly I am getting there, I have taken time off from the virtual world and been occupied with other games and things in real life thinking less about my misery.

If there is a manual on how long you are supposed to be a little down I would love to see it, but I think I am doing kinda ok taking small steps avoiding anything that has to do with romance. I think I am not ready for that in a long time, better stay focused and do the things I enjoy the most like taking photos of my own body.. lol…

That’s about it not much more to say other than it has been some long days with a lot of things running around in my head, at least I tried and I know I am far from perfect and yes I done some mistakes but I am after all human.


The news you don’t want to receive.

Today when I woke up one of the first things I did was to turn on my computer, I was excited to see what my ex had sent me as a reply. I had high hopes that there was a glimmer of hope and that maybe, just maybe she still was thinking of me. I got a cup of coffee from the kitchen and sat down I still had a smile on my face, was so excited when I log on to my Facebook account and as I clicked the message from her I think I kinda knew it was not good news but I held on to the though of a maybe.

Then I scrolled up the message and even if I had seen words stating that she no longer though about me, I decided I had to read the whole message I could have got it wrong. I sat there with a fresh cup of coffee and read the words from my ex, she tell me she no longer think of me and that I am out of the picture. It was a hit to the face I could feel my face muscles want to make me cry as I was very sad, but I kept my cool until I had written a reply to her pretending I was cool with it while i was not. But I could not beg for her and she said in the message she had moved on, her new life in real was filled with work and parties just as she wanted to live her life.

I deleted the fb account cause the only reason I kept that was to be able to communicate with her, everyone else I ever knew they did not matter to me I only wanted her. And now I was alone so alone I could not deal with knowing I could message her and she would not want to talk or see me in any form. After I had deactivated the account I could not stop the tears from coming out of control they kept poring down my face, they still do cause she ment the world to me and now all that was gone forever.

My friends I did not dare tell any of them why I had done what I did today, why I no longer was on my Facebook so I made up a harmless excuse that they accepted. So now I have to accept that she have moved on and it is about time I do the same, where ever I go in this virtual world I am reminded about her even when I go hair shopping I see the hair color she loved so much I think about her. I feel I am being punished for the dumb things I did that day one year ago when I took her off as my partner, but back then I did not know better. I was going thru a very hard time in my real life and felt I held her back, I felt I did not deserve her and I think she tried to get me back I am not sure but I know I made her unhappy without knowing it. When I think back on those things that breaks my heart that I did that to her, the one that ment so much to me and now I have made my bed and have to lay in it all by myself.

It will take me a very long time to recover that I am sure of, cause when you have tried for more than 6 months to get the love of your life back and did not succeed then you are at rock bottom. I know this much that if I could go back in time I would have done it all again, everything but taking her off as a partner. But life goes on and now I need to try to recover in any way I can, it may take months or even longer I have no idea but I can’t give up.

Panties or not under your dress?

Snapshot_006Shopping for a nice dress these days can make anyone looking like a slut if you forget to put your panties on, I have tried many times to put my mesh cotton panties on under a new dress and failed. It appear that the creators of these nice outfits does not make panties, are we all doomed to walk around with the pussy out or your girl cock dangling down between your legs.

Are we letting ourself become something we are not, most of the time I can alpha out but when you have a sexy short dress where the alpha do more harm that good then you in trouble. You have this huge dilemma and all these questions race thru your head making you wonder if anyone care if you have no panties on, and does it matter if some noob or guy see your private part?

I should hope it does not care but I know there are plenty of those out there in the virtual world that treat their SL life as it was their RL, that is their thing I guess if you can’t disconnect your real life and have a fabulous virtual life where you leave the real concerns outside the internet. I would not care of someone got a kick of looking up my skirt or dress and see what I have under it, it that is their thing then they should be allowed to be freaks.

Last of all I wont mention the dress on blog but I am sure those of you who drop a substantial amount of Lindens on virtual clothes every week know where I got this one, a creator I have not got a whole lot from since I have not been entirely happy with things I paid for in the past and the ceremony to complain about the product I gave up cause she never got back to me. But this I got last night cause it looked so nice, and again I failed to try a demo.


When your excuses goes out of style.

After a long time in second life you learn to pick up on things that are not 100% like when you meet a person that constant have an excuse for not voice with you, I mean why not be honest if you are dating someone you like and want more than a sl fling. It is essential that you show yourself or voice, there are a lot of predators out there standing in line to use who ever come along. I seen a lot of them and you might have been close to become a victim yourself cause they are that good to blend in next to you, that it make it hard to pick them out. For as long as I can remember men have played women in SL, nothing wrong with that at all but if you get involved with someone who are a real women and did that without telling them that you are not a real woman that is cruel. At least if they look for a real life partner that many these days do, but if it is a sl thing then play the fantasy but do it good.

Back to what I wanted to talk about was all those that keep on with the lame excuses, like I met someone long ago she said she liked me and wanted to have more than a friendship I told her we should talk on voice so we could get to know each other faster that’s when the problems started.. First off they have no microphone or it is broken and they have still not bought a new one, does not mean its a man on other end yet some women special Europeans “can’t speak english / refuse..”.  You might accept that they can’t talk right now so you wait a few weeks and it comes up again and you get served more excuses like “I have not spoken English in years”, well it’s about time you start then no need to be afraid to voice.

So many women I have met in past they serve you with so many excuses that they could get away with 5 years ago, but today and no way if that will happen. I even offered to buy a headset to one of my friends but all of sudden that person had to leave SL, I guess to go play another of her alt’s. At least I have the ball’s to tell people I meet in this world who I am in RL if that come to the table or if it is a need to know, if the other person really like you they take you as you are in the virtual world that is my experience. To run around and tell old outdated excuses only make you look like a complete idiot and by doing that people will assume that you are a guy pretending to be a woman, does not matter how good you look cause anyone with a brain can make an avatar look nice.

It prob will come like a shock for some of you but women special those younger than 40 are more liberal than those over 40, they are not expecting to find a man like figure in SL they take you as you are if you are honest and don’t act like a complete jerk. I once had a girlfriend that took me just as I was I only wish I had her still, but I guess it was part of my learning process to lose her to maybe gain some thing else that I have not found yet.

Last words for those it apply to, never to late to start be “cool”.

Update V0.87b

I am at this point now in my new second life as I have gone from mesh body and  Catwa to the bright side of SL, a new shape more curves than I ever had and a bento head from same as the old. I know this is a lot of work the tweaking can make a person go crazy if you are a perfectionist, I cheated this time and bough a premade shape that I can play around with. Took me most of saturday and sunday to get as much done so I could dare be around other people without look like an alpha project, and now I look more like a beta + / almost done project.

Initial this was not part of my plan to look like this I had plans to look like I always have, with help of a friend I got a skin and a shape that gave me boobies and a bigger butt. Went from pale to tan I have been running away from this look for years, and it was not bad at all now I can blend in with a random curvy bimbo if i

No pictures as of now you need to draw a mental picture of how I might look like, I would think a curvy body, booty and a pair of bigger boobies will get you starting to make your mental image nice or give you nightmares…

Ps: Feel free to jerk off to the mental images…. he-he…

Lonely on the Grid.

With close friends to hangout with I had no idea I would feel so lonely that I do these days, I more or less have been that for a year now. Trying hard to find the meaning in this world, but what ever I set myself out to do I can’t take my mind of someone who I used have close. I might sound like a complete stalker but I am not, I guess I am one of those hopeless romantic people who think everything can be fixed if you really want it to be.

I can only put the blame on myself this time as I have made some very stupid judgements, I was weak and did not understand the important of what I had and now I am paying the ultimate price called loneliness. There is nothing more to do I managed to chase this someone so far away. I have tried for a long time to get out of this funk but no matter where I go or what I see it all reminds me of her, even in my real life I can see things and I instant think of her in some way. I would hate to have to leave the virtual life I have to get over her but I fear this is the only way for me to get on with a life, or at least try make a life in the real.

One day when I was cleaning my Skype downloads I came over a photo of her, the brown hair in her face and the sweet eyes smiling at me. I had deleted in past things she sent me but this must be hiding somewhere and now it is the only thing I have left of her. I always have the memories of her and those I keep to myself.

I have been all over the grid trying to meet new people and make new friends, but when I see girls that look similar to her I just want to fall to the ground. How could I ever let this happen to end up in this way where I see nothing good in the horizon, it is vacation time very soon I have saved up money for almost 1 year to go very far away. There are so many places I never been and things I never seen, maybe it would take things off my chest to experience new things and stay away from virtual me.

Not so many days since she told me to leave her alone, not that I had done anything to her other than try in an idiotic way to get her back. I do understand that she have moved on and I have to make things work on my own, I just wish things where less complicated like it was when you where younger. Now that I am “old enough” I feel a big loneliness in my heart knowing I never will hear her voice again, and a tear in my eye when I do realize she is gone.


Indyra the Ikea of Second Life.

After being absent from second life for a long time due to real life and other not important things I have been able to log on and enjoy this virtual world again, and now even more stores to spend the precious lindens in buying all kinds of outfits. I was not sure where to buy the good clothes so I decide to go visit one of the store I liked best in the old days, I remember last time I shopped at her place it was a court-yard like it is now but I was almost knocked off my feet when I walk inside the store.

All the amazing outfits that cried to me “buy me., you need me”, I managed to sneak past that and when I walk further inside the store I am getting a weird feeling I have seen this type of store before. I had to tell a friend that it felt I was in Ikea cause I went from clothes department and into furnitures, and I was thinking I had walked thru a loop-hole first and ended up in an alternative dimension cause the Indyra I remember made amazing clothes and shoes. So for me it’s a mystery what happen, have designers become so desperate to sell things that they practically sell anything.

I walked around fearing I would walk into the car department and thank god I did not do that. I did not find anything at her store today maybe when I get used to the Ikea feeling I will be able to shop there again, for now I stick to the fair’s.

To back up my conclusion I made two pictures so you can see the Ikea of SL.