Lonely on the Grid.

With close friends to hangout with I had no idea I would feel so lonely that I do these days, I more or less have been that for a year now. Trying hard to find the meaning in this world, but what ever I set myself out to do I can’t take my mind of someone who I used have close. I might sound like a complete stalker but I am not, I guess I am one of those hopeless romantic people who think everything can be fixed if you really want it to be.

I can only put the blame on myself this time as I have made some very stupid judgements, I was weak and did not understand the important of what I had and now I am paying the ultimate price called loneliness. There is nothing more to do I managed to chase this someone so far away. I have tried for a long time to get out of this funk but no matter where I go or what I see it all reminds me of her, even in my real life I can see things and I instant think of her in some way. I would hate to have to leave the virtual life I have to get over her but I fear this is the only way for me to get on with a life, or at least try make a life in the real.

One day when I was cleaning my Skype downloads I came over a photo of her, the brown hair in her face and the sweet eyes smiling at me. I had deleted in past things she sent me but this must be hiding somewhere and now it is the only thing I have left of her. I always have the memories of her and those I keep to myself.

I have been all over the grid trying to meet new people and make new friends, but when I see girls that look similar to her I just want to fall to the ground. How could I ever let this happen to end up in this way where I see nothing good in the horizon, it is vacation time very soon I have saved up money for almost 1 year to go very far away. There are so many places I never been and things I never seen, maybe it would take things off my chest to experience new things and stay away from virtual me.

Not so many days since she told me to leave her alone, not that I had done anything to her other than try in an idiotic way to get her back. I do understand that she have moved on and I have to make things work on my own, I just wish things where less complicated like it was when you where younger. Now that I am “old enough” I feel a big loneliness in my heart knowing I never will hear her voice again, and a tear in my eye when I do realize she is gone.

 

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